Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
