I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
