I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
