I molested 6 butterflies tonight
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
