Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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