I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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