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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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