It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
