I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
