I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
