My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
