Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
