what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think my vagina is haunted
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
