i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
