and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
