my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
