rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
