Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
