I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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