Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
