just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
