Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
