alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
