Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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