the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
