The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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