Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
