Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the liver wants what the liver wants
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
