I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
