I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
