This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
