The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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