Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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