After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
