Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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