If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
