Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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