God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
