What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
