dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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