We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
