I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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