i just wanna soil my oats bro
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
