i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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