those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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