chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
