Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Never underestimate the power of titties
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
