Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
