covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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