They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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