Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
